Do Women Talk Too Much?
Let's investigate...
We are nearing the end of Women’s History Month.
During this month, I’ve shared stories of inspirational women, including journalist Melissa Ludtke, historian Margaret Rossiter and athlete Lusia Harris.
But today I share a different kind of story.
The style is more like the business and communication articles I share on my website, but it started with curiosity…
In 2021, the head of the Tokyo Olympics organizing committee, Yoshiro Mori, found himself in hot water after saying women talk too much in meetings.
This was followed by a public outcry – and reminders that the 83-year-old former Japanese prime minister had a history of sexist comments and other gaffes.
A press conference was hastily called where Mori tried to seek forgiveness and retain his position.
But his sentiments are ones I’ve heard before.
In fact, it was only a few years earlier when a similar story was all over the news.
That time the comment was made by Uber board member David Bonderman – ironically during a meeting about fixing sexism at the company.
He later stepped down from the board.
There are many who would agree with Mori and Bonderman that women talk too much.
But are they right?
I was curious…
According to Oxford University Professor of Language and Communication Deborah Cameron, Mori and Bonderman were wrong.
Cameron states there is substantial evidence ‘going back a long way’ that men talk more than women.
This applies to school and university classrooms, workplace meetings, at academic conferences, in political forums, and TV panel shows.
“It’s probably one of the most consistent language and gender findings of difference that we have,” Cameron said.
And it gets worse when women are outnumbered.
Researchers from Princeton and Brigham Young University found that when women are outnumbered, they spoke 75 percent less than men.
Conversely, when men are outnumbered, they still speak for the majority of the time.1
So why do people believe women talk so much?
David and Myra Sadker spent decades researching gender equity in education, and once did an experiment while discussing their work on The Today Show.
They decided to take turns talking during the interview, aiming for equal speaking time.
In the end, only nine seconds separated the amount of airtime they each had.
But that’s not how people experienced it.
“The general reaction was, ‘Why did Myra talk so much?’” David explained.
“When it’s equitable, it looks unfair, because we’re used to seeing males speak more.”
And the problem starts long before we reach the workplace.
As the Sadkers discovered in their research, girls get less attention early on.
“When a boy misbehaves in class, he is given attention and is brought back into the discussion,” David Sadker said.
“Girls don’t tend to challenge or need discipline in the same way.”
The Sadkers’ research also showed that dominant boys benefit from support from their peers, in the form of a one or more loyal ‘sidekicks’ who will reinforce points they make.
But girls don’t have that same kind of support.
And as girls get older and develop, they can become sexual targets, and that also limits their desire or willingness to speak up.
And then they enter the workplace…
Although women and men enter the workplace at the same level, professional women have a tough path to navigate.
Women need to be assertive enough to be confident, but can’t be seen as too aggressive or bossy.
And while men can be disliked and still influence, women cannot.
There are plenty of studies that conclude that when it comes to the workplace, women speak less, are interrupted more, and have their ideas more harshly scrutinized.
This struggle to be heard happens across businesses and the globe – even at The White House.
And not being heard (or listened to) has a massive impact on women’s careers.
Forget about the glass ceiling.
For many women, the ‘broken rung’ (where they struggle to make the first step to manager) continues to be a real barrier.
And for those women who do succeed, they’ll find fewer and fewer women at each level as they climb the organizational hierarchy.
So what can we do to make things better?
While much has been written about the need for women to change the way they behave – to ‘lean in’ – the key is to change the environment.
Leaders need to create environments where the psychological safety is high enough that people feel comfortable sharing their ideas.
They need to encourage people to speak up – and listen when they do.
And just as colleagues can be part of the problem, they need to be part of the solution.
Here are three things we can all do to make things better:
Pay attention and listen – Notice who is speaking and who isn’t.
Pull the quiet voices into the conversation by actively seeking their views – ‘Sarah, what are your thoughts?’ – and listen when they speak.
Affirm and amplify – When a woman makes a good point, affirm it.
‘Great point, Sally.’ Recognize their contributions, support them, and when they share a good idea, amplify it by repeating it and giving them credit.
Be an ally – Call out poor behaviour, like interrupting or people taking credit for someone else’s idea.
A man saying things like ‘Hannah was speaking, Bill’ or ‘That’s the point Hannah made earlier’ are small things that can make such a difference.2
Helping women be heard isn’t just a ‘nice gesture.’
When women feel comfortable speaking up, you’ll hear more ideas, and be able to make better decisions.
And doesn’t that benefit us all?
Oh — and if you’re wondering what happened to Yoshiro Mori…
At that press conference (organized to save his job) he was asked,
‘Do you really think women talk too much?’
He replied:
“I don’t listen to women that much lately so I don’t know.”
He was later forced to resign.
One more thing…
I have been doing my own research on this topic over the years at my children’s school in London.
Last year, when I gave a presentation to hundreds of children ages 5-11, I noticed that the girls were less likely to raise their hands — even when I asked questions that did not have a right or wrong answer (like the one below).
So as this Women’s History Month comes to a close, I have a request…
If you have a daughter (or any young girls in your life), please encourage them to raise their hand — and speak up.
In Other News…
I had the opportunity to chat all things communication and curiosity recently with Katie Macaulay on The Internal Comms Podcast.
Have a listen and find out how my high school’s motto inspired me — and what I learned from all those high-flying execs I encountered when I worked in Hollywood.
I also share why I believe “Imposter Syndrome” is a garbage concept, and why duct tape inspires me (yes, really).
And in case you missed it…
In this interview, I share my tips on how to improve performance reviews (spoiler: it involves communication!).
How Can I Help?
I’ll keep saying it: Communication matters.
And if you want to improve your communication (and get all the good things that come with that), I’m your gal.
So many companies could reap significant benefits – from performance and culture to retention and engagement – by improving their communication.
So, if you know someone who could benefit from some help (as even the most seasoned leaders do), please get in touch and check out my website for more information.
You can also see my Top 10 list of what I can (and can’t) do for you here.
And if you see any communication examples (the good, the bad, and the ugly) that you think are worth analyzing or sharing, please send them my way!
Until next time, stay curious!
-Beth
I can vouch for this, as I have been on many Zoom calls with writers where the audience is 90% female — and the conversation is dominated by the few male voices.
Here’s a story I wrote about a time when a man I worked with at an Investment Bank did this for me.
I don't want to say TOO MUCH, but once again, a terrific essay, and thank you for it, Melissa
Loved this! Thank for all this research. Love that you are thinking about the next generation too. 🙏😊